I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
