isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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