i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
