with your own penis?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
