he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
