You're so nebulous sometimes
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
