While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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