fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
