The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
