I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
either way he was missing a nipple.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
