I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
