What a fucking waste of an outfit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
