i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
