Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
