Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
