i jhust puked up my retainher.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
