this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
