so that wasnt chicken after all
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
