I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
