ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
