why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
