he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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