I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
only if we run a train.
done.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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