The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
