i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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