Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
