It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
