I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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