it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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