physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
