I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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