After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
