i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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