I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
