Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize