I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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