I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
