He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
