you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
