we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
