the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
