The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
