Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
