you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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