Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is Oprah even human
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
