you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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