your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
