Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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