but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
