update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
