i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
