I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
